


Breathe

by 50past12 (desertqueeeen)



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Aiba goes out with everyone, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Light Angst, Loneliness, M/M, Nino is antisocial, Nino's POV, POV First Person, References to Illness, inspired by a manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 17:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14266308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desertqueeeen/pseuds/50past12
Summary: Nino is the anti social student while Aiba is the one that always has company. But actually, Aiba was the most lonely one, suffocated by his disease.





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote it back in 2012, originally posted [here](https://50past12.livejournal.com/23999.html).  
> It is inspired on "Jinkō Kokyū no Hitsuyō (The Need of Artificial Respiration)" by Takagi Shigeyoshi, published as an extra one-shot story in "Hana ni Arashi (Flower in a Storm)" vol.1. I'm not going to leave links here, but you can read the English translation online.

I met him in the summer.

  


There weren't greetings nor introductions. He simply stole a kiss from me - I still think he was trying to kill me - while I tried to sleep.

  


"What the hell are you doing?" I rubbed my mouth with the back of my hand as I raised my body from the desk.

  


"I thought you were dead." he chuckled innocently. He showed me that beautiful smile the first time we met and it was burnt deeply in my mind.

  


I remember scolding him for attacking me but he ignored my words and pushed me back onto the long desk and sealed my lips with his owns. It was so hot that afternoon that I didn't have enough strength to fight it back. And I had even forgotten he was a man that moment.

  


He pulled away looking down at me with that innocent smile for a brief moment, but soon restarted taking my breath away.

\-----

Later on, I discovered he was known as the kiss monster of the college: he was seen kissing different girls and guys often and it seemed he didn't date any of them seriously.

  


"Are you dating Aiba Masaki?"

  


That question was worst than a punch on the stomach.

  


"No. Why?" I said frowning.

  


Toma tilted his head to the side a little bit confused.

  


"Some people saw you two making out."

  


I liked Toma, he was a good friend of mine. He was funny and smart. But he was also too ingenuous sometimes.

  


"I was attacked. And that guy kisses everyone. It doesn't mean I'm dating him."

  


We passed through the crowded corridor then I spotted Aiba talking with a guy at the main gate. He never cared about the time and place. His lips landed on another persons' any time he wanted.

  


I decided to turn around the campus and exit from the opposite side, but unfortunately Aiba found me before I could start running.

  


"Hey, Kazuya!" he grabbed my arm just like the girls did to their boyfriends, almost throwing himself on me.

  


"I'm not Kazuya, I'm Kazunari." I tried to push him away but it was useless. Aiba was taller and stronger than me "And don't kiss me!" but I managed to hold his face on a secure distance from mine.

  


"Hey, Kazu's handsome friend," Aiba ignored me once again, turning around to Toma "will you lend me him for a moment?"

  


"It's all yours!" a fool grin came across Toma's face. I never felt such a strong urge to punch him like I felt right there.

  


Still looking in disbelief to my friend, I walked towards the main gate with Aiba hugging my arm tighter than before.

  


For some reason Aiba liked me a lot. I didn't know what kind of people he liked yet, so I was pretty sure Aiba was just playing with me as he did to many other girls and guys.

  


I didn't dislike him completely. Despite his actions, Aiba was a nice guy. And was attractive. Too attractive for a man.

  


I didn't have problems with men. I already liked one or two and spent some nights with them. But different from Aiba, I didn't like to expose that for the whole world to see. I appreciated some privacy.

  


"So, is it okay if I kiss you when there's no one around?"

  


"That's not what I meant." I sighed deeply "Don't kiss me anymore. Please, leave me alone."

  


Aiba's eyes got wide in surprise and he approached his face to mine.

  


"Why? It's a normal thing! It's like artificial respiration!" he held my shoulders shaking me back and forward. People on the train platform stared at us so I pushed Aiba away quieting him.

  


My train arrived while Aiba whined beside me pouting like a little kid. Before entering the train, I removed the strap from my cell phone and gave it to Aiba.

  


"Take it and forget about me, please."

  


The doors closed but I could see the spark in Aiba's eyes as he admired the small plastic dog. His voice got lost in the sound of the train moving but I think I heard him thanking and saying that would be his treasure.

\-----

As much as I wanted Aiba away, his presence made me comfortable. He was annoying indeed. But even so, most of people liked him. It was like he put a spell on everyone he met.

  


When Aiba wasn't sharing kisses with someone, he was surrounded by friends. He was never by himself. His bright personality always attracted people and, wherever he was, there were laughs and smiles.

  


The more I wished Aiba to leave me alone, the more he came to my view.

  


 

  


Different from Aiba, I wasn't very social. I had a few friends, but I rarely hung out with them. I always thought that it was useless to make friends forcibly; somehow, it would just disappoint yourself. So I preferred to stay by myself doing my stuff.

  


But sometimes I envied Aiba. I envied how he looked happy with all those people around him and how he was always so natural, so... himself.

  


 

  


Back then, I didn't imagine that he suffered so much behind those smiles.

\-----

I ran as fast as I could through the corridors and skipped a few steps down the stairs trying to outwit the person who was searching for me.

  


When I reached the 3rd floor I saw him. With someone.

  


"Oh, Kazu! Did you run to meet me?" Aiba turned his back to the guy he was talking to earlier and grabbed my arm.

  


"H-hey, is it okay? Weren't you two talking?"

  


Aiba looked down, as hiding something. But I could see for a mere moment the frown on his face. Quickly he pulled me with him, distancing from the other student.

  


"It's fine! We just done talking." then Aiba showed me his usual bright smile.

  


I looked through my shoulder and saw the guy still looking at us for a while before walking to the opposite side. He seemed to be the kind of serious student.

  


"Don't tell me you attacked that guy too."

  


"I didn't attack him. Actually, he is my ex."

  


_Oh, so Aiba has an ex? I mean, does he date?_ was my first thought as I heard those words.

  


"I do date too, you know!" maybe I thought too loud, Aiba replied pouting "I liked him a lot. I don't know if he felt the same for me though."

  


"So you have been used." it was supposed to sound as a question, but it came as an affirmative. I tried to correct myself quickly "Poor Aiba-san."

  


"T-thank you, K-Kazu." Aiba said weakly and stopped halfway, loosening his grip on my arm while looked down again.

  


"What? Does this topic make you sad?"

  


"It's not that." he giggled softly before continue "I don't feel nice lately. I can't breathe properly." he said leaning against a wall "No matter how many times I inhale..." Aiba inhaled deeply "and exhale..." and let out the air as a long sigh "I don't feel alright."

  


He always seemed so healthy, it was weird to hear that from him. Honestly, it even sounded like a joke to me.

  


I didn't know much about illnesses so I just told him his nose was stuffy.

  


Suddenly I heard someone calling my name from afar.

  


"Nino! I found you! Come back here!" it was a furious Jun, one of my few friends, holding a lot of project papers and waving them in the air as ran in our direction.

  


"Shit! Let's go!" I held Aiba's hand and ran to the opposite side of the corridor. We flew as wind through some students that remained in the building. Without any destination. Just seeing the landscape blurring and disappearing behind us.

  


I turned around a corner on the 2nd floor and hid in an empty classroom.

  


"Wa-wasn't that MatsuJun? W-why are you running away from him?" Aiba asked surprised, catching his breath.

  


"We're in the same group for the summer final project. I don't wanna do it so I kept running away from him for a month." I said wiping the sweat from my forehead "I'm doing a good job, aren't I?" I laughed loudly. But Aiba didn't laugh with me.

  


"That's not funny, Kazu." the look in his eyes was serious yet sad. I felt my heart wring a little with that.

  


"Bullshit. I don't need to do that project." I sat on the floor fanning myself with some papers I got from my bag.

  


"Of course you need." Aiba's voice got sharp as an arrow "You should stop being so careless about things."

  


At that time Aiba was scolding me like teachers used to do. I thought this guy could treat me differently but I was mistaken.

  


"What?! What do you know about me?"

  


Aiba took a deep breath and looked thoughtfully at me. His eyes moved slightly like he was trying to read my mind. His stare was so intense that I was afraid of speak and break the strange but comfortable feeling that surrounded us.

  


After a while in silence Aiba let out a soft laugh and leaned his head on my shoulder.

  


"I like MatsuJun. Don't be so harsh with him."

  


"Hum? Was he one of your targets too?" my question was answered with a sheepish smile "Oh come on! You should stop kissing everyone. Did you know people call you names?"

  


"Is Kazu worried about me? How sweet!"

  


No matter how many times I told him to stop, Aiba continued trying to kiss me and hugged me whenever he saw me. But sometimes he just kept looking at me in silence.

  


I wasn't as clever as he thought. So I didn't understand his silence most of the time. But I was sure of one thing: I loved his smile.

\-----

The next day, I was caught by Jun to finish the project with him.

  


He blabbered about his ideas but I couldn't - didn't - pay attention at all. The other classroom that I could see through the window seemed more interesting: the kiss monster and his ex.

  


_If you kiss him, I won't talk to you anymore._ I said to myself.

  


But I didn't need to worry about it. Aiba's ex was talking to him but Aiba wasn't listening. Instead, he was looking around the classroom as a bored kid.

  


The ex's expression was serious, while Aiba didn't seem interested in what he said at all.

  


The ex's mouth kept moving and Aiba's hand went to his back pocket, reaching for his cell phone. It had attached the strap I gave him.

  


Then, with the saddest expression I had ever seen, Aiba's lips touched the plastic dog on the strap.

  


 

  


He was calling me.

  


 

  


I jumped from my seat ignoring Jun completely and ran to the other side of the building.

  


I got lost looking for the right classroom and, when I finally found it, there was no one there - at least I thought so.

  


Aiba was lying on the floor. _The desks are more comfortable than the floor_ , I thought remembering the day we met.

  


"Aiba, you'll catch a cold if sleep there." I warned him but there was no response. I approached to him and turned his face to my side.

  


It was when I heard his words in my head again.

  


_"I don't feel nice lately."_

  


_"No matter how many times I inhale and exhale..."_

  


 

  


I lifted his body and hugged him tightly before send oxygen to his lungs. The deepest, the longest and more desperate kiss of my life. The kiss to bring the one I loved back to life.

  


Soon I felt his lips moving against mines, making me know he was awake.

  


"Hey Kazu." he smiled as saw it was me.

  


"Are you okay?" I asked but he didn't answer. So I checked if he was breathing, bringing my lips to his once again.

  


 

  


Aiba didn't come to college the next day.

\-----

Without Aiba to torment me anymore, I felt completely alone. I've always been by myself, but that guy made me like him for real. It's cheesy and stupid, but I was certain about what I felt for him.

  


After a month, there were rumors about him all over the college buildings. I never asked anyone, neither wanted to know the details, but it seemed that Aiba had a surgery and would stay away from classes a while more.

  


 

  


"Won't you visit him?" Jun said finishing his lunch.

  


"I don't know where he lives." I replied shortly, playing with the cap of the bottle of tea. Jun clicked his tongue and took his notebook, writing something on it.

  


"Here's his address." he handed it to me and got ready to leave.

  


"Wait, why do you know his address?"

  


"Everybody knows Aiba's address." Jun waved at me and left the cafeteria.

\-----

Aiba's apartment wasn't far from mine. I went there and... kept looking to the door, confused with myself.

  


Why was I there? What if Aiba didn't want to see me?

  


I stood there for 10 minutes or so, till someone called my name.

  


"Kazu?" it was him "Hey, it's Kazu! What are you doing here?"

  


"I... I ask you the same. What are you doing outside?"

  


"I was in need of milk, so I went to the convenience store." he showed me the small plastic bag before opening the door "Come in, please!"

  


Aiba looked a bit thinner, but other than that, he was still the same. He put the milk in the fridge and signed me to come inside. The apartment was small and simple; across the kitchen there was a room Aiba used as the living-room and bedroom.

  


"Can you walk around?" I sounded more worried than I actually was, making Aiba laugh.

  


"I didn't hurt my legs. My lungs were sore but now they are okay." he sat on his bed caressing his chest "Were you worried about me?"

  


"Of course. I saved your life and you never thanked me." I tried not to sit too close to Aiba.

  


"Oh, thank you for that. And thank you for coming today." a sincere smile came across his face "You're the only one who visited me besides my family."

  


"Really? But you have so many friends. Jun said everyone knows where you live."

  


"Yeah, but no one came to see me." he looked down again, like he used to do when had difficulty to breathe "Maybe they aren't my friends at all. They find me funny and like to hang out with me, but actually they don't care that much about me." Aiba said those cruel words smiling, making they sound even more painful.

  


"You knew that and kept going out with them?"

  


Aiba looked up to a spot on the wall in front of him and continued.

  


"I was just pretending I was alright. Inside, my illness was consuming me." Aiba spoke like I wasn't there, like he was talking to himself "I saw many people suffering because of me, so I avoided telling my friends about my illness. I didn't want to make more people sad, so I told them I was fine."

  


"Have you been suffocating yourself like that all this time?" I said softly. Aiba finally looked back at me.

  


"But it's alright. Cause now I know that if I feel suffocated, I just need to go to you." Aiba smiled again. The beautiful smile I loved to see so much "Kazu is comfortable to be with."

  


For some reason it just sounded as an excuse to me.

  


Why did I need to be with him only when he was suffocated? Couldn't I stay beside him whenever he wanted? Whenever _I_ wanted?

  


Then Aiba fell silent. I hated his silence because I never knew what he meant with that. So I moved closer to him and kissed his lips. Slowly and thoroughly. I ran the tip of my tongue on his parted lips before twining it with his.

  


"W-why?" Aiba's cheeks were flushed when we broke apart.

  


"Because you looked suffocated with your own thoughts." I resumed the kiss while pushed him back gently onto the mattress "Promise me you won't forget to breathe ever again."

  


Aiba promised me giggling.

  


 

  


We made love right there. I showed Aiba neither of us were alone anymore; I was there for him and he was there for me.

  


His skin was hot and I felt his fast heart beats through the scar on his chest. His breathing became erratic and he repeated my name many times, as if certifying I was really there.

  


We breathed the same air, moved at the same time and gave the same answer to each other's question: _yes, I love you_.

\-----

I ran as fast as I could through the corridors and skipped a few steps down the stairs trying to outwit the persons who were searching for me.

  


When I reached the 3rd floor I bumped into him.

  


"Running from MatsuJun again?"

  


"Jun and Toma to be exact." I held his hand and crossed the corridor as fast as the wind making the orange leaves on the trees fall onto the floor.

  


"K-Kazu... W-why do I have to run too?" he panted following me into the empty classroom we hid a couple of months ago. I apologized and gave him a kiss. That was my way to check if he was fine.

  


 

  


If my kisses can help him to breathe, then I will kiss him deeply countless times.

  


I just ask him one thing: to show his love to me breathing together with me.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending got a little rushed and I couldn't write it the way I wanted to. But I like the manga very much so I hope you enjoy reading the original work too :)


End file.
